If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
