You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I deserve this hangover.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize