Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Your penis caused this!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
