the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
