If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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