just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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