He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
