apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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