went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
