You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
