Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
