I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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