Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
