and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
