Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
