i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
