I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
