You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
