She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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