you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
