I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
