Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
