I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
