need another drink. this is the easiest way
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Two words: blizzard sex
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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