Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
