Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
