He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
