That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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