oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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