guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
