i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
