tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
