Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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