you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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