we have officially lost it.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
