It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
