The best revenge is premature balding
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
