you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
