We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize