It's Friday. Sex?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
