Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
