Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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