I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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