for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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