On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
