so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
