let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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