Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
