we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
