What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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