I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She's the barista slut.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
