i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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