You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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