So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
