he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
