My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
