dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
