I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
