The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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