Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
