At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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