Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
