I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
