drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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