idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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