Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
