i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
