I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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