so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
