Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
