textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
