i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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