): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
