i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
my shit smells like andre
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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