she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
