I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
