turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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