Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
