Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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