I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
