dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
