dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize