dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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