Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(770): View more from Georgia

I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti

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(901): View more from Tennessee

why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?

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(214): View more from Texas

New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!

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(801): View more from Utah

I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...

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(+65): View more from

No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.

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(503): View more from Oregon

If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.

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(514): View more from Quebec

dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it

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(415): View more from California

The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.

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(727): View more from Florida

So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.

(813): View more from Florida

You deserve it, you colossal cock block.

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